Hash Wedding weekend

Hash Wedding weekend

Friday, 25 April 2014

Hash Trash-Run 148

BH3 Run No. 148
Hares:  Hose Handler & Helmet Polisher
Scribe:  King Crapper

1.      The Gather-round
There were hills to the left of them and hills to the right, but the 20 faithful hashers were not deterred.  Even a black cloud adorning one of the adjacent peaks could not dampen their enthusiasm.  This was BH3 run 148, with Easter and St. Georges Day all rolled into one.
GM Hose Handler called the gather-round, welcomed all, and invited the first runner home on the previous hash into the circle.  Lightfoot and Doggy Style declared that it had been a ‘dead heat’, so Lightfoot gallantly stood back and the drink was awarded to Doggy Style.  The lady should always come first!
The GM then called out the hares for the run, and quickly ‘changed hats’ to join his co-hare Helmet Polisher in the circle.  The run was described as flat, with the runners and walkers trails splitting immediately upon leaving the RV, and had further short-cuts that would not be signed but would be obvious.  Meal preference numbers for the On-On-On were then recorded, and while they were being telephoned through to Jack’s Place, members of the circle were sent on an Easter egg hunt in the surrounding meadow and trees.  Twenty eggs had been hidden so everyone was treated to a pre-run Cadbury’s chocolate fix.
The circle was re-formed and taken over by RA Culture vulture who explained to those assembled that St. George was the patron saint of England, and had something to do with a sword and a shield and slaying a dragon.  Also that everyone had been asked to wear red, possibly because it is the colour of the slain dragon’s blood? I missed that bit.   I was left wondering why, in this day of environmental awareness, a country would continue to proudly align its national day with a dude whose claim to fame was putting to death one of an endangered species.  It may even have been a Turkish dragon as St George’s deed is reported to have taken place in this part of the world.  All this poor dragon did was breathe its hot breath over a few villagers and threaten a princess.  I think the poor beast was probably already suffering; its hot breath most likely the result of a chicken tornado, or similar, consumed at the likes of Jack’s Place on the previous evening.  I digress.  The Circle was led by the RA in stabbing, slashing and parrying warm-up exercises.
2.      The Run.
On-on was called and the runners headed towards check one by the camel wrestling arena, and then onwards up the nearest hill, while the walkers headed out to a trail along the recently tarmacked Kizilagac road.  Check 2 was found, or found to be hidden, under a pile of small rocks on a familiar dirt track.  The first half of trail 3 along the dirt track was similarly hidden by a person or persons unknown, and Lightfoot enjoyed a weird game of Hash-football, kicking each rock aside as he ran to reveal the splodge of blue flour beneath. Trail 3 eventually joined the Kizilagac road and then headed for the scrub and an interesting scramble under electricity cables recently lifted, and over similar cables still lying on the ground, causing consternation of the electricity line-men nearby.
Check 3 had already been reached and ‘struck through’ out by the walkers, so the runners had a quick passage forward.  Check 4, up a trail adorned with wild flowers, had also been reached by the walkers and here they fell foul of a cruel back-check which allowed the runners overtake.  Subsequent trails passed through rocky meadows which, as Culture Vulture discovered, had ankle-turning potential.  We stumbled down and across some fields, and then up once more to the Kizilagac road.  This provided opportunity for some walkers to shortcut towards the RV.  The rest of the pack headed away down the road and eventually up onto more dirt tracks, via another couple of checks, and in a very scenic loop with great views across the valley and out towards Torba, they returned back to the RV.

3.      The Circle
GM Hose Handler opened the circle.  First in, the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher were suitably rewarded for an excellent hash.  They were followed by the 10 Returnees; Whilst You’re Down There, Stalker, Happy, Tosser, Legs, Semen, Tits, King Crapper, Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher.  It was noted by RA Culture Vulture that these constituted 50% of the attending hashers. Virgin hasher Jennifer, dressed appropriately in white and actually wearing a hash T-shirt (well done!), was then welcomed to the Hash.  Next in was Stalker for his teapot impersonation.  He was then given a second drink for the ‘wrong hand’ offence.  The GM then called in Tosser and Legs who were seen holding hands on the trail, violating the ‘no sex on the Hash’ rule.  Finally the GM called in Muffin Muncher for having seemingly miniscule pink stripes on her socks, so thus violated the ‘no pink on the hash’ rule.  And the circle was handed over to RA Culture Vulture.
The RA’s first ‘call in’ was to the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher who, he had noted, were wearing Turkish Wrestling Federation vests as their contribution to wearing red.  But were they wearing hash regalia?  Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher locked arms and legs in wrestling style while they consumed their drinks.  Whilst You’re Down There, Happy, Muffin Muncher and Virgin were then called in and given drinks, possibly for misnaming.
The circle was then paused to make way for the Easter Games.  The egg and spoon race proved a challenge, particularly when the course was lengthened to include rough ground.  It was followed by heats of ‘toss the egg’, with distances between the pairs throwing and catching lengthened after each successful toss and catch.  Winners were rewarded with a small chocolate treat.
The circle was reconvened and the hares were given a drink as thanks for their efforts in organising the afternoons events.  Drinks were also given to Tits, But But and Hose Handler , for some reason this scribe can’t remember, and finally to Muffin Muncher, also for a teapot impersonation.

The circle was closed and most hashers adjourned to Jack’s Place in Gumbet for an enjoyable On-On-On.

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Hash Trash-Run 147

I think it was thirteen of us (but don't hold me to it) that arrived ready and raring to go for run 147 on Sunday, 6 April.  It was great to see Happy and Stalker back for the season, and young Kiaran on his Easter break with mum, Emma.  We were blessed with a virgin too - Nerry on a visit to her best friend, Suzanne. But more about the virgin later...

The circle was opened and the hares, Culture Vulture and Suzanne gave us a certain amount of information about the trail, most of which I didn't listen to as hares often tell so many porkies.  We knew it was going to be a good one though as CV looked very excited about it, and Suzanne was mildly traumatized about how many hours she'd already spent walking the trail over the previous week.  The FRB down-down was awarded to Lightfoot as first runner home on the previous run. Despite it being a rather large down-down, it still didn't seem to slow him down on the trail!

And so we were off into the hills around....ok, I clearly wasn't paying attention on the drive there either, as I'm not entirely sure where we were when we set off. Somewhere not far from Eski Karakaya anyway.   It soon became clear that there were two running groups - the speedy Gonzales Lightfoot and the more long-distance pacer runners - myself, Fishy Fingers and Butt Butt. This resulted in Culture Vulture doing an impression of a sheepdog for most of the trail as he tried to round us up and keep us together, not aided by us girls stopping to take "selfies". The walkers quickly separated from us, and went on their merry way. I'm beginning to think that they just head straight back to the cold beer as soon as we are out of sight.

The route was fabulous, taking us through some amazing scenery including beautiful country lanes with the smell of strawberry fields hitting our noses, up up and up through the hills around Eski Kaya, and through a crime scene.   The hares had done a great job of marking the trail, and had put in lots of lovely checks for which I seemed to have the knack of going down the wrong route. Then they added a killer hill towards the end - the steepness of which could only be described as "cruel"!  It was a keep-the-legs-moving-and-don't-look-up trek to the top.  This did mean that we were rewarded with a lovely downhill final stretch to the beer.

With refreshments in hand, the closing circle commenced. The hares were commended on the shortness and flatness of their trail, and the returnees were called in for their welcome back down downs.  Then Kieran was called back in with his mum, followed by Nerry the virgin who, with her lack of experience, got herself over excited too quickly and did a great impersonation of Comes too soon.  Almost repeated the offense at the next down down - but then soon fine-tuned it so that she was coming in time with the rest of us.  Butt Butt had a down down for being a new woman - am presuming that this was why Shitter was too tired to make it to the run.

At some point, Fishy Fingers and I realized that there was a lack of flashing taking place - the flash had forgotten about flashing activity.  Could there be a name in there somewhere when the time comes....

So after numerous more down downs, On On On was called and we headed to Shinee in Gümüşlük for a yummy BBQ.  A great afternoon - thanks to CV and Suzanne!

On On,

Doggy Style

Hash Trash-Run 146

Run 146 was to be an away day , former Bodrum residents and hashers I Loves Punk and Pubic Enemy No 1 left the suburbs of Bodrum last year to move to the countryside that is Yesiltepe , after some discussion they decided they would like to set a hash to show off their new surroundings and quell the curiosity of the natives who hadn’t a clue what hashing was, thinking it was something to do with an illegal plant maybe ! So off 12 of us set in a minibus , 2 in a car and 1 other (on his own to round some more keen virgin hashers). The hares had mustered up a good bit of interest with 17 local residents joining in the fun, so in total there were 37 keen hashers for the run.

The RV was none other than the hares home which gave us a great chance from the position on the hill to scope the landscape and the chance to hash in a place most of us had never seen before , the hares were called in for the usual tall tales , flat short etc etc. The RA called in the FRB from the previous hash which was lightfoot and then he was called back in to receive the HONer for taking the first dip in the sea after the previous hash . So with the hares sending us off in the right direction off we set most of us sporting green as it was the St Patricks day hash .

We headed off through the scrub land and it was a pleasant change to have no clue where we were and instead of guessing the right direction we had to rely on the markings put down with flour and bits of stick in the shape of arrows , there were a few marks missing but given the amount of goat prints it was no surprise . After a while the pack began to spread out the runners long gone , regular hashers and fit guests then the strollers who were happy enough chatting and generally enjoying the scenery and company. At some point the group I was in lost the markings but luckily the RV was distinctive on the top of a hill so we knew the general direction ( otherwise we could have been missing for days given the terrain) . Back at the RV in dribs and drabs everyone returned to enjoy a cold beer , it was all in all a very good trail.

When everyone had had a chance to catch their breath the circle was called and there were lots of down downs due , first in were the hares to be booed and called for their lies and rubbish trail . Followed by lots of non male virgin hashers and male virgins 17 in total . With so many virgins the down downs were coming thick and fast no sex on the hash , pocket billiards , tea pots over and over the novices made basic errors much to their bemusement. Then the GM called in myself and Knockers to receive our 50th run mugs and full to the brim we had to down it( memorys of my naming day came to mind but I managed to neck it and then didn’t run to the nearest bush to throw it up). The GM then called myself in to thank me for organizing the transport but I was a bit overwhelmed or inebriated and kept forgetting myself and impersonating Comes Too soon . On On On was called and off we went to eat.

The On On On took place in the only establishment for many a mile and took the form of a BBQ which was much welcome when it arrived after a long day for the Bodrum Hashers , after eating and consuming more alcohol we set off back for the hour or so trip back in good spirits and having left a good impression on the Yesiltepe community ( or so I hope) . So heres to many more away day hashes !

On On Fishy Fingers !!