Hash Wedding weekend

Hash Wedding weekend

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Hash Trash - Run 167

Run 167 : Sunday 30th November 2pm 
Where :Islamanaheleri
Hares : Shitter & Butt Butt
Scribe : Culture Vulture 

After a tortuous route down narrow back lanes, an assorted collection of would be Hashers gathered at the IDA dog shelter RV for Bodrum Run167.  It was great to see a few returnees and an even larger group of 9 Virgins.  Visiting GM, returnee and one of the founders of the Bodrum Hash, Noddy, stood in as GM for the day (no disrespect to our stand-in GMs for the past few runs, but geçmiş olsun and hurry on back Hose Handler).  Down-Down for the first home on the previous run, Shitter.  The hares, Shitter & Butt Butt, managed to disseminate the usual fabrication about the run – across country, loads of olives and cows to be avoided etc., etc..   Noddy, together with Butt Butt, translated for the virgin Turks and also tried to explain the principle of Hashing!!  Noddy then entertained us by inviting Second Hand Dishwasher into the circle to tell a joke – the same one she has told on numerous occasions - which was duly translated and enjoyed by the Virgins.  The RA Culture Vulture awarded the Hashit for the day to Shitter for disposing of half his FRB Down-Down over the RA.  The RA then presented himself a new award- a roll of gaffer tape, for use by him at any check if hare Shitter was also there (a bit of verbal from Culture Vulture  to Shitter on a previous run instigated this award).  Then ON-ON called.

The run certainly did go cross country.  In places the going got extremely rough, with walls, fences, barbed wire and other obstacles to be surmounted.  Unfortunately (for the hares that is), the trail was so well marked that the front runners managed to spot the trail so far ahead that certain other parts of the trail were missed, hardly short cutting methinks.  See the various photos on Facebook Bodrum Hash House harriers H3 (https://www.facebook.com/groups/BodrumH3/ Run 167) for an idea of the trail.

Back at the RV, the circle was called just outside the dog shelter as the dogs had previously been a bit noisy.  The GM called the hares in for the first Down-Down.  Next were the four returnees, and then the virgins.  Unfortunately, the GM had not told them about traditional Hash etiquette – hats etc., but they were soon to learn.  Second Hand Dishwasher was then called in, not only for new shoes, but copying the RA’s rather loud pair.  Second Hand Dishwasher had two Down-Downs as she had worn another pair of new shoes on the trail borrowed from Virgin. The GM called in Culture Vulture and Virgin for attending her home Ordu Hash at the Turkey Nash Hash in June.  The GM then handed over to the RA.  First in were the mis-namers Virgin, Shitter and Muffin Muncher.  Next was Second Hand Dishwasher to celebrate her recent engagement.  Shitter was called in for his Hashit, and then again as hare (one hare, all hares –welcome back Butt Butt) for accusing Luvjoy & Culture Vulture of missing the last check even though it was directly under a BH3 sign pointing directly back to the RVPrimitive, as the previously appointed Hash Joker was invited in to live up to her name, which she duly did in both English and Turkish.  The Teapot Down-Down was duly awarded to one of the virgins and, because she apparently desperately wanted a Down-Down, another of the virgins was called in to demonstrate exactly how the Teapot Down-Down should be taken.  Various further Down-Downs followed and then a keen eyed hasher spotted that one of the virgins was wearing new shoes – duly celebrated in traditional hashing fashion.  Another Down-Down for lack of hash T-shirt to Luvjoy, Doggy Style and PrimitiveON-ON-ON was then called to the Sunset restaurant in Turgutreis to round off a very successful run 167.

Culture Vulture 

Sunday, 30 November 2014

Hash Trash - Run 166

When : Sunday 16th November 2014 2pm
Where : Derekoy 
Hares : Culture Vulture & Virgin 
Scribe : Fishy Fingers 

A group of  11 enthusiastic hashers met just off the Derekoy turnoff ready for run 166 set by hares Culture Vulture and Virgin  . Semen was once again stand in GM ( the last time before he heads off on his winter travels) , so he called the circle and in came the hares to tell their story . We were told that it was a short run and there was a point of interest ( an old tomb) and a few hills . Also the details for the On On On were given . Then time for the RV to do his bit , and FRB for last run was given a down down , and I was awarded a walking stick to aid me on the hash following my injury on the last hash . Circle closed and off we went to the call of On On !

We set off up in the hills somewhere in between Derekoy and Gurece ( I think ? My sense of direction is lousy !) and the views as always on this peninsular are spectacular . I was with the walkers today following my injury and the runners kept passing us from backchecks and false trails , it appeared at 1 point that they passed us 3 times going in different directions so it kept us all together nicely . At the top of a particularly steep hill we were pointed in the direction of the tomb and after a scrabble through some brambles we found it and after a photo opportunity we headed back on trail , and back down the hills and back towards the RV . We all arrived back at the RV within a few minutes of each other so job well done hares .

The circle was called and GM called the hares in and they were given a down down  for their stirling efforts  , and so began the long line of call ins for misdemeanours . We had latecomer ( Semen ) , returnees ( Dopey and Lovejoy) ,misnamers and more that I have forgotten . Into the circle was called Doggy Style to receive her 50th Run mug and it was filled to the brim with beer but bless she managed it ! As we are now smaller numbers the RA asked if anyone had any jokes to tell , well Muffin Muncher had come prepared with a joke book so Lovejoy read one out to the group , well that book can gomin the bin it was rubbish ! So in he came for a down down along with Muffin Muncher for bringing the book along . I was called in for sustaining my injury along with shitter for something he nor I can remember what for . It was time to say bye for the winter to our Stand in GM Semen as he heads off to warmer climates until April/May time so we will be even fewer in numbers for a few hashes now ! Circle called to a close and off to the On On On we headed !

The On On ON was held at a small pide house in Gumusluk and we were able to order off the menu and the food was good as were the prices for both food and drink so good choice again the hares !

On On Fishy Fingers !!

Monday, 3 November 2014

Hash Trash - Run 165

Date: Sunday, 2nd November 2014
Location: Semen’s house, Yalikavak
Hares: Semen
Scribe: Doggy Style

Thanks to the very detailed directions, twelve of us easily found our way to Semen’s abode in Yalikavak for the RV.  We all gathered around the garden jostling for positions in the sunshine.    And then we were blinded!!!!  Not by the autumn sun, but by the neon-orange new trainers adorning Culture Vulture’s feet.  At least he has a matching pair now.

In the absence of Hose Handler (who we are all missing and send our best wishes to), Semen did a double act as both hare and GM.  The info about the run was as detailed as the directions, but we got the idea that there were marks on the left and we needed to follow them.  No hooks, so no need for certain offenders in the front running group to develop injuries or a sudden desire to slow down at strategic parts of the run.  The down down was awarded for FRB at the last run – a beer each for Culture Vulture, Shitter, Lightfoot and King Crapper who had all joined hands and skipped in together.  And then we were off across the fields calling “On On” and “Checking”, much to the bemusement of the local cows, with the trail quickly being picked up by Lightfoot, CV and King Crapper.  Shitter was slightly slower as he had to negotiate his furry friends.  There were a couple of confusing moments – firstly when a local decided to blast his chainsaw just opposite a check, so that we couldn’t hear any of the calls, and secondly, when we met a JCB kindly clearing a river bed for us.  Made the route nice and smooth, but they had destroyed Semen’s diligent marking at a checkpoint.

We were soon back out on the roads (frankly I had no bearing as to where we were) and then disaster struck.  Just as Fishy Fingers and I were discussing our exercise plan for the forthcoming week, she yelped out in pain and complained about her calf muscle.  She tried stretching it and slow walking whilst I searched for the next marks at a junction, but the hobbling was soon accompanied by an “Ouch” at every step.  Down on the wall she sat (at least she had the nice new marina shops to gaze into), and thankfully the walkers soon caught us up.  Old Wreck kindly volunteered to sit with Fishy, whilst Butt Butt and I set out on the rest of the route, busily trying to call each of the front running bastards to arrange a rescue car.    Obviously, none of them bother to check their phones, so we were almost back at the RV by the time Lightfoot finally answered his and became a Knight in Shining Armour to the rescue.  
We were soon all assembled back at the RV, Fishy safely deposited on a comfy chair with Shitter rubbing up and down her leg.  With a cold can of beer.  He had obviously been far too close in front of me at one part of the run, as he seemed to have deposited bits of his namesake on the front of my T-shirt, although tried to blame it on a poor defenceless kitten.

The closing circle commenced with the usual beer for the hare amidst complaints about the terrible quality of trail.   As he couldn’t even hide his new shoes on a night run, CV then had to drink beer from said new shoes.  Both feet due to their assault on our eyes.  His courageous taking-on of the task was noted by Butt Butt who seemed to be hinting heavily that she would like to be asked to drink from shoes in the future.  Virgin and Old Banger were called in for short-cutting, and then Butt Butt was summoned for the signing of her 100th run T-shirt.  As she has sworn to be alcohol-free for five months (crazy woman!), Shitter had to come in and drink the big glass of beer for her.  Unusually for him, it took some persuasion to prise him away from his seat on the wall, and into the middle of the circle.  Butt Butt was called back for another down down with me as we had been having a private party, followed by Helmet Polisher, Old Wreck and Semen for misnaming, Lightfoot for his knightly rescue and myself and Fishy Fingers for no hash gear.  With autumn well and truly upon us, it was then time for “Au revoir” downdowns to Old Banger, Old Wreck and King Crapper.  We look forward to having you all back with us soon.  The final down down was awarded to Lightfoot in recognition of his truly Turkish driving skills on the way to Turgutreis after the last On On On.

With all the beer drunk, the circle was brought to a close and we proceeded to Kosede for a lovely end to the afternoon.   Thank you Semen for a great hash.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Hash Trash - Run 164

RUN: 164
DATE: 19th October 2014
LOCATION: Tits's Gaff
HARES: Tits, Up for It, Hose Polisher
SCRIBE: Old Banger

Oh boy it was a breezy one! All arrived and after admiring Tits's gaff and Up For It's activities on the cooking front, started socialising. In fact everyone was chatting so much we got chilly and had to chivvy up the GM to start the circle. We chose a nice sunny spot and despite the circle starting late, there were still a number of latecomers! Gobshite stepped into the breech or rather breeches of Hose Handler (please come back soon), and carried out the role of GM in his imitable fashion (please please come back soon). So the acting GM decided that Shitter should get the down down for FRB even though Lightfoot had lightfooted his way back first on the last run. The Hares were invited into the circle to tell us that the route was flat – ha, ha! The GM then went on to set us three questions, I didn't have my notebook with me so don't expect me to tell you what they were! However, a bottle of wine was at stake, so he said although we never saw it. Answers were to be given at the end of the run and the first hasher with all three correct would receive the wine.
The RA welcomed Virgins and Returnees. Doggy Style requested that Lawrence (latecomer, returnee and son of Stalker and Happy) should be named and so he was given the naming hat.

Oh boy, it was still breezy or was it the GM being windy? Well, whatever – off we went......

The route took us through a few sitesi's, up hills and down steps. Fabulous views and the opportunity to shop in Migros. Despite the wind having blown a lot of the flour away everyone made it back without getting lost. Have I mentioned the wind?? Apparently it's only going to get worse! In fact I can report it was so windy that Cunard's Queen Elizabeth could not dock at the port in Bodrum on Sunday morning, despite several attempts. Anyhow no-one got blown away and we all gathered back at Tits's place with the scent of curry assailing our nostrils...... but before that, we just had to have the circle.

And so we gathered, although as there was so much chatting it took a while. The Hares received traditional abuse and a down down for setting such a bad trail. Down downs followed for a private party, virgins, returnees, misnamers and the latecomers. The latecomers played dirty by using baby Fergus as the excuse for being late – tut, tut. Was someone wearing pink?? I think the shoes were deemed to be a light shade of orange but some argued, salmon pink! Stalker was called into the circle to celebrate his 50th and was awarded the mug. Lawrence (also father to Fergus) was then bought in for his naming ceremony. Much discussion followed and suggestions were made – Blizzard, Camel Toe (yes, CV only one toe), and Big Daddy. Just at the final vote Doggy Style shouted out Humper which received overwhelming support - welcome Humper! Isn't it nice that Happy now has a Stalker and Humper in the family?

Somewhere in all of this the GM bought up the questions he had set us. As no-one had given him any answers a few brave souls gave it a go then and there. A dispute followed on the last answer (life is too short to go into detail) but as Doggy Style and Legs Eleven gave the right answer to questions 1 and 2, they got to share the bottle of wine. Lucky them!

The circle was closed and so we leapt over the garden railings towards those heady spicy scents. Fabulous food (puddings too!) and ambiance, thank you Hares!

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Hash Trash - Run 163

Location ; Fener Beach
Hares: Fishy Fingers , Doggy Style & Muffin Muncher
Scribe : Stalker

The first Hash of the new 2pm start time saw a good turnout. Most of the usual suspects were in attendance plus 3 returnees. There were 4 latecomers who shall remain nameless and who were promised down downs later!
The RV was excellent with views of the Greek islands and the weather was very kind as the sun had retreated for a while.
The Hares were called into the circle and they promised us a fairly flat gentle  7km? breeze of a hash so to our surprise after 300 yards we faced the north face of the Eiger!!!! Some more than others struggled to reach the summit  where the runners carried on but when the walkers finally made it they were told that they had missed the right hand turn half way up the hill and so had to make their descent to take up the walkers route. All that effort for nothing!
 The next stage of the run was indeed fairly flat meandering through what could only be described as a Fly Tippers paradise interspersed with the odd cow or bullock. It was at this point that a couple of stragglers took a short cut back down to the coast road.
The rest of the pack soldiered on and eventually arrived back at the RV with Lightfoot as the FRB followed by Pisspot and Shitter. After a well needed drink and a swim for others the circle was called by Dopey our stand-in apprentice GM who awarded various down downs before handing over to our RA Culture Vulture who succeeded in telling a rare successful joke at which the whole of the circle laughed - I think he's been practicing!!!!
More down downs were given for the usual misdemeanours.Gobshite entertained us with another humorous story which was well received. Our best wishes were passed on to Hose Handler via Helmet Polisher and we all wished him a speedy return.
The circle was then closed and we all headed off to Uncles for what turned out to be an excellent meal. Most of us stayed to watch yet another wonderful sunset.
                                         ON ON    Stalker

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Hash Trash - Run 162

Location : Çukurbük
Hares : King Crapper & Gobshite 
Scribe : Virgin

Hi Hashers,

This is the last of the Summer runs starting at 17:00.  The next one will be at 14:00 and probably a bit cooler, but in the middle of Kurban Bayram.  We set out with a car (pick-up truck) full of beer etc., and my lovely niece and family to try to find the RV.  We thought it was Çukurbük (as per instructions), but there were no signs or cars parked on the beach.  So we called Old Wreck to check where the hares could be and if we were in the right location.  We were informed that we were in the right location, but Gobshite needed a map.  So the hares were on their way to put the signs up.  After a dozen of cars arrived not knowing where to go, King Crapper arrived with the signs saying we had been in the right place all the time.

The rest of the hashers arrived and we were promised a very flat run, but never believe a hare!  We took off running and had some extra loops and the walkers on shorter loops.  We did upset some of the locals in King Crapper’s site and they called the management and Jandarma as they thought there is some trouble ahead.  Our stand-in GM, Dopey managed to calm them down.  We then went down to King Crapper and Old Wreck’s House for a beer stop, but Dopey of course missed that as he short-cutted.

The first in from the run was GM, Dopey, short-cutting and, of course, we will get you at the start of the next run to slow you down with an Efes.  The circle called in my niece, husband and son, several virgins and returnees.  It was good to see Lightfoot back with his bi-annual haircut.  Take note it doesn’t happen every year!  Gobshite took the prize of the year with his joke 99…99…1, 2, 3….  If you weren’t there you have to ask him.

My relatives truly enjoyed the hashing experience and I had to buy them Hash T-shirts as they intend to visit other hashes in the future plus ours, of course.

Thank you King crapper, Old Wreck & Gobshite for a great hash day.


P.S.  We are now on to the Fethiye’s 9th Birthday

Also a quick note from our hosts of Run 162 OnOnOn

'Thank all who attended and we are delighted to advise that with the proceeds of the evening we have purchased three large (15Kg) sacks each of cat food and dog food. These are destined for reliable people who feed street animals in Turgutreis and Gumusluk'
Many thanks

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Hash Trash - Run 161

 Run 161: Ortakent Sunday 7th September 5pm
Hare: Dopey
Scribe: Culture Vulture 

Despite the fact that Dopey had left the trail setting for Sunday morning because he had feared rain overnight, 19 of us (including a visitor who had travelled down from Izmir by bus just for the Hash – Allison) met under skies with only a few small white clouds surmounting the distant hills.  Dopey, stand in GM and the only hare, called the opening circle.  He first gave the DOWN-DOWN to the first home last run, King Crapper, and then managed to entertain us with switching between GM and hare (hat then no hat, etc.).  During this, he gave us the usual hare drivel - flat, short, etc., - but he did introduce a mix between a check, hook, and check back all at the same place, which … well, we’ll see later.  He then handed over to the RA.  The RA actually volunteered to be Scribe due to prompting from the assembled that the GM had forgotten.  As there were a few returnees, one visitor and one virgin, the RA got the assembled Hashers to introduce themselves, before calling ON-ON

Immediately upon leaving the RV, we climbed the only gradient Dopey had said there was.  At first it appeared that there were only four runners – King Crapper, Shitter, Allison, and Culture Vulture.  As the newly introduced Check/Hook/Check back required the first five “runners” to go back, there was no reason for any of these four to hang back – which they didn’t.  After a few checks, the first of the dreaded Check/Hook/Check back appeared.  King Crapper, Shitter and Allison started back, but CV was a little behind at this stage (bloody gardening!).  As he delayed turning back, Doggy Style and Fishy Fingers appeared around the corner.  They insisted that we had already missed one of the Check/Hook/Check backs so were already off trail.  CV took no further excuse to not go back and continued alongside them.  He did concede that he wouldn’t run again until he could see any of the others returning.  True to his word, and two checks later, the intrepid three (King Crapper, Shitter and Allison) appeared around the corner and CV (together with Doggy Style and Fishy Fingers) joined them onwards.  Bugger, the next check was the second Check/Hook/Check back.  King Crapper, Allison, Culture Vulture, Doggy Style and Fishy Fingers were the first five there (how did Shitter manage to be so far back?!).  All five did the full circle and met the whole of the rest of the Hashers twice (once the wrong way and again passing them in the right direction), and at this point we found out that the Check/Hook/Check back we had missed was NOT a Check/Hook/Check back, but a mis-marking by a non-appearing co-hare!.  However Shitter had been left in the lead, where he stayed until the end (courtesy of a non-competitive King Crapper, a snap happy Allison (a camel!) – and a knackered Culture Vulture).

GM Dopey opened the post-run circle.  The first thing he did was to take off his GM hat and ask the RA to call the hare in.  He then re-donned his hat and called in the visitor (Allison) and Virgin (Jacquelin – apologies if that is not a correct spelling), mother of I’m Up for It.  He then handed over to the RA, but Shitter was too quick to condemn him for forgetting the returnees - first DOWN-DOWN to Shitter.  The first thing the RA did when he had the circle was to invite in the returnees Old Banger, I’m Up for It, The only Gay in the Village & Rampant Rabbit.  The RA then called Shitter back in for not striking through checks when ON-ON was called.  (OK, so a couple were dubious, but he was standing at and looking at a check when ON-ON was called and didn’t strike it through – I saw it happen!!!! - RA).  A couple of dubious DOWN-DOWNs for tea pots then the RA called in I Loves C(l)ocks.  The RA asked I Loves C(l)ocks to stand there and then invited Hashers to tell jokes to make him laugh.  Only Allison and I’m Up for It took up the challenge, but I Loves C(l)ocks was stalwart and wouldn’t smile (either the jokes weren’t very funny, or he suspected some rum things were to happen).  The RA then admitted that he had wanted I Loves C(l)ocks to show the teeth that he had just had completed for him such that he was happy to eat solids again no matter what the cost.  Now it was decided (by whom!!??!!) that Alison, the visitor, should be named.  She has hashed a couple of times before and travels a lot, she has been running in Izmir and trying to get runners there to start a new Izmir Hash, she came down from Izmir just for our run (and maybe a break, cycling and swimming) and was one of the only two Hashers to do run both Check/Hook/Check backs.  So, as an introduction the RA announced that her e-mail was allisonukulele, and asked her to explain the ukulele bit.  The hashers were not impressed (well, maybe a bit).  She then explained that she had come over from the US for four months to look after a friend’s two cats. Hence Allison is now Pussy Minder.  She couldn’t quite deal with the entire litre DOWN-DOWN, but she did, in TRUE Hasher fashion, put the rest ON HER HEAD.  At this point the, RA was about to close the circle, but the GM insisted in a last DOWN-DOWN for the goody-goodies (those who hadn’t had a DOWN-DOWN in the previous circles).

Then to the ON-ON-ON, which was, for the second time (that’s for Butt Butt), at the adjacent Restaurant.  A pretty good spread and a good time had by all (at least, I think so cos I don’t remember much more).

Here’s hoping that those (runners all!!) in Izmir will make a new Hash.

Culture Vulture

Monday, 25 August 2014

Hash Trash - Run 160

Run 160 Turgutreis Sunday 24th August 5pm
Hares : Hose Handler & Shitter
Scribe : Anonymous

It was a hot steamy early evening & 20+ keen (or mad) hashers turned up on Turgetreis beach ready & willing to run/walk a good 6/7km The Gm called the circle together at 5pm to give the front runner last hash the down down well done Shitter! Then the hare were called in Shitter & Hose Handler & after a few TALL stories ie flat short all down hill they were done. Then the RA was called in & he told the virgin runners about the finer details of how the is set ie circles & check backs, then he called on on & the intrepid runners were off under a big dust cloud phew!!!
The "run" started nicely plenty of circles & back checks to keep the front runners from zooming off in the heat of the day, through some lovely fields full of cows & wild bulls (I am not a country person) don't know how to deal with the wild animals!! After a few more back checks we hit the main road & one of the hares said to a few walkers that there is a "short cut" just turn left onto the road for a few hundred yards then you will be back on the trail, so a few "volunteers" took up the challenge. Of course the runners & a few fast walkers took up the long route so off we went & of course it was all uphill We attacked the hills with gusto there was a few back checks all on the top of hills well done Helmet Polisher she went to the top of one hehe!! Then as we got down from the hilly bit we had to get across the main road & there was Hose Handler  waiting for us telling the way as we had to go through a hotel & it was marked the day before but the old hose reel was out & all the marks were washed away we had to run past a very smelly cess pit pow wee did that pong!!! then there was a very nice ahh moment we had to go past a load of new puppies we had to make sure the Muffin Muncher didn't smuggle one into her backpack I know she would have if she could. Then a nice run along the beach & back to the on in!! Well done one & all.
When all the runners/walkers all puffed & panted back the GM called the circle together & straight away he called in the hares Shitter & Hose Handler & of course after a few bits of banter from the crowd they got a down down, (well done you two) then the GM called in King Crapper for a special down down as he has hit a mile stone in the Bodrum hash he has done 50 hashes so full to the brim with water (he was driving) a very nice tankard was awarded to him well done KC The returnees were called in there were five of them to many to mention a down down was given then there were two vir-gins (rare in Bodrum) friends of Tits they got a down down, Then it was the turn of the RA in he came & straight away he got Stalker in for the tea pot stance ( I think Stalker enjoys a few down downs) In came Fishy Fingers for a down down for nearly getting the hash shit for not doing all the admin but Fishy being Fishy she pulled through well done. Just as she was going back the RA called her back in for another down down as she is celebrating her twenty first birthday on Friday. Then Helmet Polisher "reminded" the RA that it was Hose Handlers birthday next week so a down down was given to him, (Apparently he is 21+21+17) Just as he walking back to the circle old hawk eyes RA noticed he was wearing a new pair of trainers so back he came he did say something about being second hand but that was dismissed straight away so off came his trainer for a down down (nice) Then the RA called in Shitter & Butt Butt for they were getting a bit loved up I think they were holding hands the young lovers a quick down down was given to them as we were getting a few stares from the locals so we had to stop on the qui__
So we all went to another part of the beach where Stalker & I love Clocks had a huge bbq ready for some good grub & a few beers & a good hash & good food was had by all.
So well done Shitter & Hose Handler.
From the Mysterious Scribe!!!?

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Hash Trash - Run 159

Run 159 - Turgutreis Monday 11th August 2014
Hares : Fishy Fingers & Doggy Style 
Scribe : Semen

Here is the hash trash for the Bodrum Hash House Harriers Run No 159.

It all started at 5pm on Monday 11 August as the previous day was election day which meant no alcohol, hence the change in date!

The hares, Fishy Fingers and Doggy Style set the run from the Verdat School in Turgutreis.

To start the proceedings the stand in GM, Dopey explained his new role by showing everyone his hat where it was printed


He first called in the grandmother, Happy (as her grandson, ? was back in the UK) who was first home on run 158 for the customary down down. Happy downed the beer with aplomb which would have really impressed her grandson if he had been there.

Fishy Fingers and Doggy Style explained the run and then off we went.

The run was fairly flat through all sorts of terrain and different areas of Turgutreis that I had not seen before.

We passed  a few cactii where people had their photo taken and through some dry streams and over fields.

We passed a scarecrow lounging in a seat waving to us as we went by.

We also went over a very rickety bridge at one stage but all arrived safely back at the RV outside the school.

We had to wait a bit for three stranglers who got lost which included Muffin Muncher who should have known better as she helped a bit with setting the run.

When we did get the circle together, Dopey came into the middle to oversee the proceedings with confidence and with personality which goes well with the hash.  Well done Dopey.

There were 19 of us during the run to be joined before the end circle by 2nd Hand Dish Washer. 

It was great to see her again and she was duly honoured with a few down downs.

First the hares, Fishy Fingers and Doggy Style were called into the middle to receive down downs for setting the run.

Then Virgin was brought in the middle for forgetfulness and having to go back home for something and missing the run.

The returnees of Noddy and Tinkerbelle were also called in.

The RA then took over and brought in the only other Virgin among us closely followed by a visitor who was Turkish but ran in Bahrain.

Then 2nd Hand Dishwasher was brought in for being a teapot and eventually got it right by drinking from the spout.

2nd Hand Dishwasher was then brought in again for forgetting her mug together with Noddy. Happy and Tits.

I was brought in and given my 100 run T-shirt which I had to write my name on the back which was a bit of an effort.

The RA seemed to try and get Tinkerbelle to have a down down for various offences but each time she managed to get out of it.

There was many more and Shitter, Dopey, the visitor from Bahrain and the hares were the major offender.

At one stage there was a picture taken of the 5 Tiller Girls, Virgin, 2nd Hand Dishwasher, Fishy Fingers, Butt Butt and Doggy Style showing their thighs. So, not to be outdone the 5 Pott Belly Pigs, I Love Clocks, Stalker, Shitter, Dopey and yours truly had their picture taken showing off our bellies.

We then had a group photo taken and most of us then headed off to the on on on... on the beach.

Before this off went Fishy Fingers and Muffin Muncher to collect the BH3 signs on their bikes.

A big thank you to Fishy Fingers and Doggy Style for arranging everything.  A great day was had by all.


Hash Trash - Run 158

Run 158 : Akyarlar / Turgutreis Sunday 27th July 2014
Hares : Culture Vulture & Virgin
Scribe : Happy

Thank you RA for providing us with excellent weather and a superb location (even though we did have to negotiate an off road rally to get there.) No worries about onlookers  watching us drink alcohol in public - we were in the middle of nowhere with eagles soaring above us! Idylic !! The circle was called and the GM was just about to start when another car arrived leaving a trail of dust behind it - it was Dopey - late again!!!!  The cicle resumed once Salim had parked up.   2 handicaps were handed out by the RA one to Stalker and one to Salim but no explanation as to why was given at this point. All would be revealed later after the trail. It was announced that there was to be a naming of Kieren and a few suggestions were made as he was handed his teletubbies style hat which he was to wear for the duration of the hash -phew in that heat !!! The hares were called in and announced that this was going to be a short run - we've heard that before! but it turned out that they were telling the truth!! We all set off on the trail with Hash Dash and Hose Handler setting the pace. Bringing up the rear was Stalker who was determined to try to complete his first ever Hash. Half way round he did have to have a 10 minute rest to take pressure off his back but then he soldiered on to the end arriving back at the RV not too far behind everyone else. After we had all had a much needed drink the circle was called. Various down downs were awarded Happy and Stalker were in the circle again for becoming new grandparents! Those Kellys breed well!! RA was given a down down for wearing odd shoes ! very odd!!! It was then time to reveal why dopey was given the tin helmet to wear - apparently he had fallen arse over tits (RA 's words not mine!) on the previous hash so it was for his protection and Stalker was awarded the hash Shit for failing to return the BH3 sings to Culture Vulture. Each were given a down down.  Then out of the hash bag came a bunch of T-shirts to be awarded to each hasher who completes 100 runs with BH3 a lovely Bodrum scene on the front and the hash logo on the back each to be personalized with indelible marker by the hasher it is given to . So in stepped Culture Vulture, Virgin , Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher to receive theirs and sign them ! Next the naming - various suggestions were made but as he is a serious Minecraft fan a name of one of the characters was chosen CREEPER  and so Kieren was duly named.  Having exhausted all reasons to hand out down downs the circle was closed and we all headed off into the sunset!              

Hash Trash - Run 157

Bodrum Hash House harriers
Date: July 13th 2014
Run: 157
Site: On the road to Yashi (or thereabouts)
Attendees: 22+2
Hares: Dopey & Hosier Handler (or thereabouts)

As Dopey was the main antagonist, perhaps he can tell us why the dwarves are so miserable? Well, it’s because 6 of them aren’t ‘Happy’. And so, surprise, surprise, the majority of no hopers were in situ well before the appointed time of 17.00 hours; Vulture Culture and his Virgin (perhaps someone should give him lessons or advice?) were busy quenching thirsts and collecting dosh; a circle was called by our esteemed GM, presumably in consultation with our RA, as the hottest spot within 500m was selected for our gathering - we were duly subjected to the bi-weekly ramblings: the guest, a local lady answering to Eileen (no, I can’t tell that joke) was introduced to the assembled hashers, each stating his name, rank and number (your lowly scribe accepting the role of Clockmaker 2, today); the previous week’s leading FRB was cajoled and given a heavy wallop of beer to slow him down; and the hares (no harettes this week) explained the intricacies of placing chalk marks along roads and paths, with no back checks and then the complication – a trail for runners (R) and a trail for walkers (W) but isn’t this discrimination? What about Walkers who run or Runners who walk? Shouldn’t we have a trail for Male Walkers who sometimes run (Wunkers) and Female Runners who occasionally walk (Fulkers)? And so we staggered, lurched, shuffled off seeking chalk (mainly on the left except when on the right) and then, as we departed, steeling ourselves to dodge the speeding cars, in sped Latefoot (and no his Iranian beauty was NOT responsible for his tardiness, he always looks embarrassed, especially when taking his client’s briefs). And on we ran, the runners in one direction the walkers another and the Wunkers and Fulkers in one or the other; past the fields, mooing cows, squawking birds, barking dogs and itinerants, all reminiscent of a farm in Turkey…..along the road, back onto farm tracks and then another R&W challenge – and onwards enduring the ankle breaking summer river bed; those who survived found another track, a slope and wonderful views; and there somewhere in the distance, our On On site; a rapid shuffle up the last incline along the busy road and we were back, another lovely Aegean walk, peaceful with no interruptions of FRBs encouraging back runners with cries of On On – no, the poor old Wunker and four Fulkers staggered home after a mere 60 minutes, challenging all odds and ready to accept the non-existent accolades.
And so another circle: the Hares were rightly praised for making a challenge out of a simple walk; the guests and returnees were welcomed back; the pinkies were grouped together to determine any similarities; your honourable scribe was cajoled for being your scribe (but no extra beverage was proffered in spite of hat wearing, holding hips and gob shyting); virtually everyone else was given the excess ‘down downs’;  a late announcement was then made that the run on August 10 th (the day of the election, when alcohol is banned in public) would be held on the following day (when alcohol is banned in public); and so dispersion, either to Vera’s on the coast (for those not sports oriented) or to The Local Pub for the football aficionados – a 1-0 win/loss for one of the teams: And so the genie offered one wish:  I’d like ‘Everlasting life’ was the response: ‘I cannot give you that’, replied the genie. ‘Ok then’, I’d like ‘Life until England win the World Cup’. ‘As I said, I can’t give you that’….hmmm

On On

Hash Trash - Run 156

Run 156 - Gumusluk ( Sunday 29th June 2014)
Hares : Tits & Up For Anything 
Scribe : Fishy Fingers 

On a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon we all gathered together ( eventually) at the football field ( the new one of course) in Gumusluk and when the circle was eventually called Shitter was given a down down by the GM for fist home on the previous  run. The hares were called in to explain the marking of the trail and it was announced that there would be a refreshment stop at Tits house ( those who knew where she lived now groaned in anticipation of the length of the run and the size of the hill ) . They also announced that the On On On would be held in the beautiful garden of I.L.C and The Only Gay in the Village by BBQ or picnic . Then came the request to rename I.L.C as some hashers were uncomfortable saying her name , so for the first time in the history of BH3 we were asked to think of a new hash name . Also it was decided to name two other hashers who had done a few hashes so Debbie and Uktu were to get hash names too. The RA then held the circle and did his thing ( sorry my memory is bad) and Hash Flash Butt Butt asked if we could take a group photo each hash so she doesn’t have to take 400 pics each hash ( sorry Butt Butt only joking ). So when this was taken On On was called .

Off we set towards the picturesque sea front of Gumusluk that’s so pretty all year round , then off around the coast road for the 10 mile hike towards a well needed refreshment stop . The last hill proved to slow the runners down as they continued checking up and down for marks and pretty much all together runners and walkers arrived at the oasis . There waiting for us was a delicious sangria or wine or beer or soft drinks available . Many thanks to Tits mum for being the a wonderful hostess along with Tits . Sadly we knew the trail was only ½ done so off we set again ( or for those who wished a lift back was available ) . Back along the road we went this time with stunning views from above amd when the views are like that no one really noticed how long the trail was . Eventually we all arrived back safely to the RV, and the circle was called .

In came the hares and it was agreed it was a excellent hash that really stretched our legs . Next up down downs for the usual suspects misnamers , pink ,virgins and returnees , then in came CV with a bag belonging to King Crapper and a tale relayed how the bag had been lost and locked and he earned a down down for his mistake. Next up were gifts aplenty for the hashers who should have gone to the Nash Hash in Ordu but didn’t make it lovely lilac T-shirts sporting the Ordu badge .Then onto the namings and renaming , up first I.L.C names were thrown in but nothing that captured us so back out she went. Next up Debbie there were a few suggestions but Ikki Su proved most popular ( due to her carrying 2 bottles of water around  the entire run) , in she went to drink her litre of beer and was named . Next up Uktu again plenty of suggestions but most popular Sticky Fingers as she designed the stickers for the hash a couple of years ago , in for beer and duly named she joined the Finger Family !. Then as we were about to head off to eat I.L.C made a comment About being “Up For Anything” oops there it was her new name so in for another litre of beer she came and for the 1st time in BH3 history there was renaming so our circle of happy hashers closed the circle and went to eat with wonderful hospitality again from Up for Anything and The Only Gay in the Village . All in all another excellent hash from BH3 !

On On Fishy Fingers !

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Hash Trash - Run 155

Sunday June 15th 2014
Bodrum Hash House Harriers: Run 155
Site: Camlik
Number of attendees: 28

A disparate group of no hopers descended on the delightful Camlik, sat around chatting, without a care in the world; a blue cold box was dragged into the assembly area and cries of Vulture Culture and Virgin have arrived - cold water was guzzled, fees paid and beer coupons distributed; everyone sat and waited and waited….the two hares (what’s a female hare? A harem, or maybe harette?) returned, dehydrated and exhausted but as only harettes can do, were smiling, whilst querying why their water support team hadn’t arrived. Excuses, excuses before 5 semi dressed men wandered into the middle of the nearby field; everyone watched…what would happen next? No feely touchy stuff, just standing there intently discussing serious issues and then cries of “Circle!” disturbed the quiet chatter. And so a strange assembly took place with a circle of the no hopers formed around two aged silver foxes who barked orders; hands were raised for food orders, the harettes explained where they’d been that afternoon and suddenly a group of five (FRBs) leapt off…
Into the Valley of death strode the 5(00) Hashers, never to be seen (or heard) again, well not until the pack returned from their exertions.
Dopey and the remaining dwarfs strode along a dirt track chattering away, noticing the odd traces of chalk; a sharp right from the dried river bed took us through scrubland, with the inimitable thorn bushes only found in these parched Mediterranean lands; no snakes of note were seen; onwards to a short stretch of tarmac leading to a building site and a selection of directions with opposite pointing arrows neatly dovetailing; a new dried riverbed, continuing up and up with clear chalk marks all the way; our virgin hasher soon detected the red ribbon (perhaps the eye operation wasn’t too successful for our RA?); upwards through the fields across the stone walls – to another track and a ‘Check!’ – without hesitation our pack of walkers took the correct direction, stopped to wonder at the stunning panorama, then meandered down the track; Dopey spied a dead bird sitting on a branch (presumably it had just flown there?); and onwards, down to another road, following paper until reaching one of our harettes…’Wow where have you come from? You’ve just done the FRB’s run!’ she exclaimed, so we wandered on, led by our Virgin hashette arriving after some 70 minutes; our mute FRBs (even they, the esteemed ones, lost themselves, presumably in translation, just meters short of ‘home’) were mingling with the SCBs, duly ignoring the wonderful achievement of the finely tuned walkers.
And so, with due aplomb, the aged silver foxes called the assembly together, forming yet another circle. Drinks were drunk; guests were welcomed; ‘pink’ and ‘dresses’ were punished, the harettes were praised in typical hash fashion, new shoes infected with athletes foot were used as a drinking vessel; the silver foxes were duly punished for being old and silver and forgetful or something along those lines. Food was served. Our 28 attendees exceeded the expected 22.4467 runners (the average number since time immemorial), putting pressure on Mehmet and the staff of Sir Sofrasi – extra sheep were seen, herded into the abattoir, to feed the masses (relieving the sad looking bedraggled dog who was being fattened with the left over bones); and so onwards and upwards, some to their homes, others for further imbibing, the remainder presumably to someone else’s abode; the sunset on the return journey led to the exclamation ‘what else could anyone want?’ – Well, perhaps a glass of wine and George Clooney (presumably for the ladies?) was the retort.

On On

Hash Trash - Run 154

Scribble  of BH3  run 154
On the day of 1st of June 2014 afternoon  around 17:09:32 Bodrum Hashers got together under the New carriageway of Ortakent. The Opening Circle was chosen to  be executed  inside the tunnel echoing the voices of GM and RA
Following the welcome speech and   asking CV to take the pleasure of being the FRB on run 153, RA took the command and invited Doggy style and butt butt  to explain about the  hash route  and on on venue after the run. The hares explain that the run was very flat and there was only one on on marked at junctions where poor front runners to watch carefully before they shouted “on on”. The track was very flat but we were going through a private property guarded by some dogs. This gave a nice chilling expectation to the runners. On On On was at the Golf Club and volunteers for experimenting this venue eagerly raised their hands to be counted.
I don’t know if Love Joy’s dog Vodka took much notice of what was said it showed that his interest was not concentrated in the track but elsewhere so Love joy had to use both hands to restrain Vodka and I took the advantage of taking Love Joys snake stick as if I were helping him but my real motive was to be ready for guard dogs assault en route.
The track was very good not many hills to negotiate and we were able to do a lot of ankle strengthening exercises by running in a dried up creek bed.
We have not encountered any dog attack during the passage of private property.  False tracks caused a few front runners confused look on their faces as they could not spot the only one mark for on on. Walkers had a good time and at the end all runners and walkers arrived at the circle more or less same time.
GM kindly invited the Hares and asked runners opinion about the run as usual “rubbish” came out but all new that it was a good run. After Hares, returnees, tea pots and new comers being rewarded with a cup of beer, CV as RA asked Dopey (me) to be the scribe. I had not much of a chance to say no. In the absence of any help from fishy fingers and having a Dopey mind I cannot remember a lot to scribe. I would suggest that scribe to be told at the starting circle so he/she would try to keep things in mind.
On On On was held at the Ortakent Gulf club and both the food and settings were very good. Hashers had good food and drink as well as nice conversations.  Gob shite tried all his skills to have his drinks paid by his fellow hashers. Vodka was very upset about not sitting at the table so he showed his displeasure by pulling the serving table with plates and crockery  away from the main table and causing  a bit embarrassment to Love joy and  taken away to the car as punishment for his  bad behaviour.
For a change the whole run and on on on went without any one getting pissed or upset by. The event ended early and pleasantly I have no idea if anyone got carried on to the local bars . If  they did and I was not invited I was not upset by it either .
On On


Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Hash Trash - Run 153

Hash Trash
Sunday 18th May 2014
Run No:153
Hares: King Crapper and Old Wreck (distant cousin of Old Peculiar and Old Banger!)
Scribe: Old Banger

Another fine day for a Hash! Warm but not too warm, sunny but not too sunny. From the RV we had a lovely view of the islands off Yashi. We all found the location, despite the last minute change due to King Crapper taking Old Wreck around the route, she thought it was like a BMX scramble course and needed amending for the walkers! Anyhow, we arrived at the snug car parking area and with a bit of careful reversing by the RA the beer tank was put in just the right spot for accessing. Fishy Fingers arrived with the well made tokens and Hash Cash was away selling drink tokens, that is..... until she dropped the box then there was a free-for-all! Obviously we were helping her to pick them up, not snaffling free drinks! Order was resumed and the GM called the circle. The FRB got his just desserts or in this case a down down (was it a water one?).

The RA explained changes in the drinking laws from 1st June and that Hares needed to be aware when setting hashes that technically there is no drinking allowed in public. Beer can 'coats' are being made so we won't be so obviously drinking alcohol.

He also told the group about the recent mismanagement meeting and gave an update on the finances, if you want to know the current balance of hash cash it will be at the bottom of the list of names that Hash Cash uses at the Hashes. If we have any queries or ideas, he encouraged us to speak with any of the mismanagement members.

We had a reminder of our hash names and a reminder for the walkers to follow the markers and not the person in front! Would we really do that??

Latecomers arrived! Oh no, Hash Cash to the fore, Old Wreck sorting out meal choices – what disruption!

The Hares were called in and this time I don't think they told us any rubbish, something about the marks being on the far right, or was it far left? Anyway whatever. We were off...............

The walkers route was a good one, we came across the runners at least once. They went through the rough stuff, up hill and down dale. There are rumours that Shitter did what he is known for and, there was a watergate inquiry at the dump. Hmm, something in common with those two statements.

All got back to the RV which is a sign of a good route. I think the walkers might have even come in before the first runner.

The GM finally broke though all the chit chat and the circle was formed. A starter for ten, who got the first down down? Yes, the Hares for setting the run. A variety of down downs followed – Hadyn, a virgin hasher, returnees, mis-naming, the forgetful one (GM forgot to appoint a scribe). We then had the naming of new Hashers, there was a lot of hooing and ha-ing over names especially Old Wreck, should she be Old Ruin or Renovated due to all the replacement parts she has had fitted over the last few years? In the end Old Wreck and Arse Kicker (a National Champion in either Judo or Tai Kwando – I can't remember which) were chosen and we all hope they enjoy their new names. Thankfully the right and left hand drinking policy has been rescinded, any hand will do! On that note....

On On On!

Friday, 25 April 2014

Hash Trash-Run 148

BH3 Run No. 148
Hares:  Hose Handler & Helmet Polisher
Scribe:  King Crapper

1.      The Gather-round
There were hills to the left of them and hills to the right, but the 20 faithful hashers were not deterred.  Even a black cloud adorning one of the adjacent peaks could not dampen their enthusiasm.  This was BH3 run 148, with Easter and St. Georges Day all rolled into one.
GM Hose Handler called the gather-round, welcomed all, and invited the first runner home on the previous hash into the circle.  Lightfoot and Doggy Style declared that it had been a ‘dead heat’, so Lightfoot gallantly stood back and the drink was awarded to Doggy Style.  The lady should always come first!
The GM then called out the hares for the run, and quickly ‘changed hats’ to join his co-hare Helmet Polisher in the circle.  The run was described as flat, with the runners and walkers trails splitting immediately upon leaving the RV, and had further short-cuts that would not be signed but would be obvious.  Meal preference numbers for the On-On-On were then recorded, and while they were being telephoned through to Jack’s Place, members of the circle were sent on an Easter egg hunt in the surrounding meadow and trees.  Twenty eggs had been hidden so everyone was treated to a pre-run Cadbury’s chocolate fix.
The circle was re-formed and taken over by RA Culture vulture who explained to those assembled that St. George was the patron saint of England, and had something to do with a sword and a shield and slaying a dragon.  Also that everyone had been asked to wear red, possibly because it is the colour of the slain dragon’s blood? I missed that bit.   I was left wondering why, in this day of environmental awareness, a country would continue to proudly align its national day with a dude whose claim to fame was putting to death one of an endangered species.  It may even have been a Turkish dragon as St George’s deed is reported to have taken place in this part of the world.  All this poor dragon did was breathe its hot breath over a few villagers and threaten a princess.  I think the poor beast was probably already suffering; its hot breath most likely the result of a chicken tornado, or similar, consumed at the likes of Jack’s Place on the previous evening.  I digress.  The Circle was led by the RA in stabbing, slashing and parrying warm-up exercises.
2.      The Run.
On-on was called and the runners headed towards check one by the camel wrestling arena, and then onwards up the nearest hill, while the walkers headed out to a trail along the recently tarmacked Kizilagac road.  Check 2 was found, or found to be hidden, under a pile of small rocks on a familiar dirt track.  The first half of trail 3 along the dirt track was similarly hidden by a person or persons unknown, and Lightfoot enjoyed a weird game of Hash-football, kicking each rock aside as he ran to reveal the splodge of blue flour beneath. Trail 3 eventually joined the Kizilagac road and then headed for the scrub and an interesting scramble under electricity cables recently lifted, and over similar cables still lying on the ground, causing consternation of the electricity line-men nearby.
Check 3 had already been reached and ‘struck through’ out by the walkers, so the runners had a quick passage forward.  Check 4, up a trail adorned with wild flowers, had also been reached by the walkers and here they fell foul of a cruel back-check which allowed the runners overtake.  Subsequent trails passed through rocky meadows which, as Culture Vulture discovered, had ankle-turning potential.  We stumbled down and across some fields, and then up once more to the Kizilagac road.  This provided opportunity for some walkers to shortcut towards the RV.  The rest of the pack headed away down the road and eventually up onto more dirt tracks, via another couple of checks, and in a very scenic loop with great views across the valley and out towards Torba, they returned back to the RV.

3.      The Circle
GM Hose Handler opened the circle.  First in, the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher were suitably rewarded for an excellent hash.  They were followed by the 10 Returnees; Whilst You’re Down There, Stalker, Happy, Tosser, Legs, Semen, Tits, King Crapper, Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher.  It was noted by RA Culture Vulture that these constituted 50% of the attending hashers. Virgin hasher Jennifer, dressed appropriately in white and actually wearing a hash T-shirt (well done!), was then welcomed to the Hash.  Next in was Stalker for his teapot impersonation.  He was then given a second drink for the ‘wrong hand’ offence.  The GM then called in Tosser and Legs who were seen holding hands on the trail, violating the ‘no sex on the Hash’ rule.  Finally the GM called in Muffin Muncher for having seemingly miniscule pink stripes on her socks, so thus violated the ‘no pink on the hash’ rule.  And the circle was handed over to RA Culture Vulture.
The RA’s first ‘call in’ was to the hares Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher who, he had noted, were wearing Turkish Wrestling Federation vests as their contribution to wearing red.  But were they wearing hash regalia?  Hose Handler and Helmet Polisher locked arms and legs in wrestling style while they consumed their drinks.  Whilst You’re Down There, Happy, Muffin Muncher and Virgin were then called in and given drinks, possibly for misnaming.
The circle was then paused to make way for the Easter Games.  The egg and spoon race proved a challenge, particularly when the course was lengthened to include rough ground.  It was followed by heats of ‘toss the egg’, with distances between the pairs throwing and catching lengthened after each successful toss and catch.  Winners were rewarded with a small chocolate treat.
The circle was reconvened and the hares were given a drink as thanks for their efforts in organising the afternoons events.  Drinks were also given to Tits, But But and Hose Handler , for some reason this scribe can’t remember, and finally to Muffin Muncher, also for a teapot impersonation.

The circle was closed and most hashers adjourned to Jack’s Place in Gumbet for an enjoyable On-On-On.

Saturday, 19 April 2014

Hash Trash-Run 147

I think it was thirteen of us (but don't hold me to it) that arrived ready and raring to go for run 147 on Sunday, 6 April.  It was great to see Happy and Stalker back for the season, and young Kiaran on his Easter break with mum, Emma.  We were blessed with a virgin too - Nerry on a visit to her best friend, Suzanne. But more about the virgin later...

The circle was opened and the hares, Culture Vulture and Suzanne gave us a certain amount of information about the trail, most of which I didn't listen to as hares often tell so many porkies.  We knew it was going to be a good one though as CV looked very excited about it, and Suzanne was mildly traumatized about how many hours she'd already spent walking the trail over the previous week.  The FRB down-down was awarded to Lightfoot as first runner home on the previous run. Despite it being a rather large down-down, it still didn't seem to slow him down on the trail!

And so we were off into the hills around....ok, I clearly wasn't paying attention on the drive there either, as I'm not entirely sure where we were when we set off. Somewhere not far from Eski Karakaya anyway.   It soon became clear that there were two running groups - the speedy Gonzales Lightfoot and the more long-distance pacer runners - myself, Fishy Fingers and Butt Butt. This resulted in Culture Vulture doing an impression of a sheepdog for most of the trail as he tried to round us up and keep us together, not aided by us girls stopping to take "selfies". The walkers quickly separated from us, and went on their merry way. I'm beginning to think that they just head straight back to the cold beer as soon as we are out of sight.

The route was fabulous, taking us through some amazing scenery including beautiful country lanes with the smell of strawberry fields hitting our noses, up up and up through the hills around Eski Kaya, and through a crime scene.   The hares had done a great job of marking the trail, and had put in lots of lovely checks for which I seemed to have the knack of going down the wrong route. Then they added a killer hill towards the end - the steepness of which could only be described as "cruel"!  It was a keep-the-legs-moving-and-don't-look-up trek to the top.  This did mean that we were rewarded with a lovely downhill final stretch to the beer.

With refreshments in hand, the closing circle commenced. The hares were commended on the shortness and flatness of their trail, and the returnees were called in for their welcome back down downs.  Then Kieran was called back in with his mum, followed by Nerry the virgin who, with her lack of experience, got herself over excited too quickly and did a great impersonation of Comes too soon.  Almost repeated the offense at the next down down - but then soon fine-tuned it so that she was coming in time with the rest of us.  Butt Butt had a down down for being a new woman - am presuming that this was why Shitter was too tired to make it to the run.

At some point, Fishy Fingers and I realized that there was a lack of flashing taking place - the flash had forgotten about flashing activity.  Could there be a name in there somewhere when the time comes....

So after numerous more down downs, On On On was called and we headed to Shinee in Gümüşlük for a yummy BBQ.  A great afternoon - thanks to CV and Suzanne!

On On,

Doggy Style

Hash Trash-Run 146

Run 146 was to be an away day , former Bodrum residents and hashers I Loves Punk and Pubic Enemy No 1 left the suburbs of Bodrum last year to move to the countryside that is Yesiltepe , after some discussion they decided they would like to set a hash to show off their new surroundings and quell the curiosity of the natives who hadn’t a clue what hashing was, thinking it was something to do with an illegal plant maybe ! So off 12 of us set in a minibus , 2 in a car and 1 other (on his own to round some more keen virgin hashers). The hares had mustered up a good bit of interest with 17 local residents joining in the fun, so in total there were 37 keen hashers for the run.

The RV was none other than the hares home which gave us a great chance from the position on the hill to scope the landscape and the chance to hash in a place most of us had never seen before , the hares were called in for the usual tall tales , flat short etc etc. The RA called in the FRB from the previous hash which was lightfoot and then he was called back in to receive the HONer for taking the first dip in the sea after the previous hash . So with the hares sending us off in the right direction off we set most of us sporting green as it was the St Patricks day hash .

We headed off through the scrub land and it was a pleasant change to have no clue where we were and instead of guessing the right direction we had to rely on the markings put down with flour and bits of stick in the shape of arrows , there were a few marks missing but given the amount of goat prints it was no surprise . After a while the pack began to spread out the runners long gone , regular hashers and fit guests then the strollers who were happy enough chatting and generally enjoying the scenery and company. At some point the group I was in lost the markings but luckily the RV was distinctive on the top of a hill so we knew the general direction ( otherwise we could have been missing for days given the terrain) . Back at the RV in dribs and drabs everyone returned to enjoy a cold beer , it was all in all a very good trail.

When everyone had had a chance to catch their breath the circle was called and there were lots of down downs due , first in were the hares to be booed and called for their lies and rubbish trail . Followed by lots of non male virgin hashers and male virgins 17 in total . With so many virgins the down downs were coming thick and fast no sex on the hash , pocket billiards , tea pots over and over the novices made basic errors much to their bemusement. Then the GM called in myself and Knockers to receive our 50th run mugs and full to the brim we had to down it( memorys of my naming day came to mind but I managed to neck it and then didn’t run to the nearest bush to throw it up). The GM then called myself in to thank me for organizing the transport but I was a bit overwhelmed or inebriated and kept forgetting myself and impersonating Comes Too soon . On On On was called and off we went to eat.

The On On On took place in the only establishment for many a mile and took the form of a BBQ which was much welcome when it arrived after a long day for the Bodrum Hashers , after eating and consuming more alcohol we set off back for the hour or so trip back in good spirits and having left a good impression on the Yesiltepe community ( or so I hope) . So heres to many more away day hashes !

On On Fishy Fingers !!

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Hash Trash - Run 145

Well there was a definite feeling of spring in the air as 16 enthusiastic hashers met in a beautiful bay in Golkoy , the setting was idyllic the weather was good despite the forecast of rain . From the look on the hares faces as we all arrived we could tell it was going to be tough as they had literally just finished setting the hash as we arrived ( shame on you for not having faith in the RA to provide good weather). The circle was called and GM stepped in to welcome everyone to run 145 ,a brief intro then FRB from the last hash was called in for a down down , then the HONor was awarded to Lightfoot for appearing late at the last hash albeit after a long bike ride. Hares in to tell usual pack of lies flat , short etc etc then a warm up with a bit of tossing instruction from CV ( pancakes tossing of course ), and off we went.

The runners soon sprinted ahead of the pack only to be held up by a wrong call of on on , after about 1 ½ km the trail split into walkers and runners , with the runners heading into the village and the walkers heading straight up the mountain. The runners had a few checks to hold them up and then following a run along the beach and a stream to step across they were heading up the mountain after the walkers . The views from the top were amongst the most beautiful ones on the whole peninsular and worth the hike up there ( I think ) . Just over an hour later and everyone was heading back to the RV with an injured CV bringing up the rear ( I believe that Hose Handler tripped him up as he didn’t want to be last home ). A good challenging hash had everyone reaching for the refreshments , or in the case of Lightfoot and our two new hashers taking a dip in the sea, (at which point Winey Bitch moved quicker than the speed of light to get photos) I personally went for the beer option that sea is too cold for me.

Circle up was called and the hares were called in for their heckling, followed by Fishy Fingers to explain about our “away” hash to Pubes and I Loves Punk at their new home next hash. Two virgin hashers and a “Virgin” returnee were then called in for respective down downs. Virgin hasher Paul was called in with wife Suzanne for holding hands all the way around and “having sex “ on the hash ,he thinks we need to get out more. CV then took the circle and had the hares in to remind them that a 4km ON IN is the longest he has ever known , but as Fishy Fingers pointed out there have been complaints recently of less than challenging runs and he can’t have it both ways , to which he conceded it was a good hash. Then there was a reprimand from the RA for lack of hash gear and a reminder that we have a Birthday run coming up so there will be chance to purchase new gear . Lots more down downs were given for various misdemeanours including wearing pink , misnaming and shortcutting. Gm Hosehandler came in to tell one of his infamous jokes and gave us a giggle as he once again forgot the punchline much to Helmet Polishers discomfort. Beers were finished circle was called and off we all headed in convoy to the On On On an little lokanta in the village with delicious freshly cooked food at very reasonable prices .

Well done hares another thoroughly enjoyable hash!!

On On Whilst You’re Down There !

Monday, 24 February 2014

Hash Trash - Run 144

The RV for Hash 144 was just a couple of hundred metres from the Bodrum airport road.  Not that you would know it from the route we were about to embark on.  Everyone arrived in good time, with the exception lightfoot, who was relying on pedal power to get there.  The circle was called and everyone gathered around.  There were 21 hashers in total.  This included 3 virgins and 3 returnees.  The RA, Hose Handler had done a great job with the weather.  This task will now fall to Culture Vulture for the next few months while Hose Handler stands in as GM until the big birthday bash in May.

First order of the day was the FRB from last time which was Culture Vulture.  He then stayed in the circle as him and Pisser were the HONers from the last hash.  Mainly because Culture Vulture led Pisser through a stinking river on the last hash.  They were then followed in by the birthday girl, Butt Butt who was presented with a walking stick by the GM.  The GM then told a few jokes and called in the Hare.  Even Culture Vulture couldn’t pull the “its flat” routine on this one.  The marking, calling etc.... were explained to the virgins.  Next in was the RA for a warm up which consisted of getting dressed up and going out in the rain which Helmet Polisher did a lot of on their recent trip to the UK.  And going in the car to the pub which Hose Handler did a lot of.  Warm up done, On On was called and we were off.

The route went pretty much straight up a track which was steep but easy going.  After a back check at the top which had been partially eaten by the goats we then went off piste.  The going here was a lot tougher and it was quite uneven under foot.  This went up for some distance and the further we went up the better the views became.  We enjoyed some stunning scenery as we looped up in to Pedasa where families were picnicking and enjoying BBQs.  The FRBs had pretty much lost the pack by this stage.  One of the virgins, Erkan was at the front for a while but faded after a few kilometres.  After a few more checks and back checks we were off back down the track we first went up and back at the RV.  Some of the hashers were already back as the trail was a bit too much for them.  The rest of the pack were soon back and tucking in to the beer.

First in the circle for a down down was the hare who got the usual heckles from the crowd.  Then we had the HONers and the birthday girl.  They were followed by the virgins and the returnees.  The GM told another joke and then handed over to the RA.  Muffin Muncher gave one of her jokes and it was then that the RA realised he had forgotten his joke book!!!  He had to go all “old school” and do it from memory.  Whatever he did, it worked, he got the best response he has had to a joke.  Even Helmet Polisher didn’t have a chance to help (heckle) him.  He definitely kept the best til last.  This was followed by various trumped up charges which saw nearly everyone get a down down.  Whilst your down there came in and gave the GM a large glass of port down down for his going AWOL until the birthday weekend.  One of two lots of port he was given in the circle.  The GM then said his goodbyes and everyone posed for a photograph to commemorate the day.  The majority of the hashers then went back to the Italian restaurant for afters.  The food was as usual, fantastic.  Lovely cakes were provided by Fishy Fingers.  The GM was given even more port so at the time of writing this trash, my heavy heart due to myself and Flasher leaving, is only matched by heavy head due to all the port I drank.

Happy trails


Hash Trash - Run 143

Hash 143 had been declared a Valentine’s Hash with hashers encouraged to wear red (or pink!!!) for the day.  A good motley crew of around 15 to 20 hashers turned up and it was good to see Ali for the first time even though his homemade walking stick looked a bit dangerous – was he expecting to get attacked?  Fishy Fingers was carrying a plate of homemade cup-cakes that would be on offer in the closing circle, so it was good that the RA for the day had organised fine weather to replace the earlier rain and so avoid them getting a bit soggy.
Pisser opened the circle trying to arrange it to avoid the mud patch created by some earlier rain.  Culture Vulture was given a down-down for FRB from the previous run even though he hadn’t completed the whole route (most marks had been cleaned up due to concerned villagers, Jandarma, and Zabita, thinking they might be poison for animals).  After welcoming a new virgin and entertaining as with his usual comedic discourse he handed over to the RA for the day Culture Vulture.  Before calling in the hares to explain what about the run would be different to usual, CV thought it necessary to bore the assembly with a discourse about what the usual marks and calling should be.  Then he proceeded to inform the circle that they shouldn’t believe a word the hares said anyway.  Totally flat, short and not a single step they said (Oh yeah? - more of that later).  The RA then explained that warming up should actually be stretching and, because of the warm winter anyway told a brilliant joke about Antarctic penguins and their mourning the dead ones (yeah – OK maybe the Scribe is a tad biased in his praise!).  A bit of penguin stretching finalised with most of the circle mourning “Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow” and then ON-ON was called.

Fortunately the hares had informed Jandarma and Zabita about the trail this time and, low and behold, all the marks were there – or were they?  Plenty of good calling, but only three runners today with Pisser, Culture Vulture and Butt Butt who were joined by the front hare Doggy Style.  Those front runners met the walkers several times as the trail forced them back and forth.  Then into the warren of houses (and steps!!) that make up the north-west end of Kadıkalesi.  Here the hares had managed to miss a few marks in places to slow down and fool the front runners – with success, so the walkers were back with the runners.  A good ON-IN provided and, after a lengthy false check, Pisser eventually caught up with Culture Vulture and then graciously allowed him to trot home in front even though CV had directed him home through a river that seems to be effluent from the Gümüşlük Waste Water Plant.
Not too long after that all the other hashers reached the RV where Fishy Fingers offered her cup-cakes before the GM called for the circle.  He welcomed today’s virgin hasher and then today’s award winner - the double virgin from the last run (new hasher and hare on the same run).  Then a couple of warm-up jokes and he handed over to the RA.  The RA started with another brilliant joke on the Valentine theme (well if no-one else is going to volunteer for Scribe, I don’t see why I shouldn’t go a bit over the top with praise!!).  Then he brought in the hares for the blatant pre-run untruth – not a single step.  Yes, Doggy Style, there were no single steps, just rakes of steps totalling several thousand at least.  A Down-Down was called for those not wearing red or pink as requested.  By the time shoe laces, bras, knickers and such paraphernalia had been counted, this left just one Hasher.  Butt Butt was brought for forgetting her mug again (and really had left it at home this time).  Pisser and Flasher were quick to pick up their mugs just before this as they had anticipated a down-down for the mugless. 

The RA then brought in Pisser and Flasher anyway to congratulate them on selling their house after 3 years on the market.  Pisser announced that the next hash would be his last with BodrumH3 until the 150th and birthday hash in May.  He had asked Hose Handler (as current vice GM) to stand in as GM and Culture Vulture to stand in as RA until then.  They were then thanked for their inputs to the Hash over the past four years or so and Pisser admitted to preferring being RA to GM.

Pisser then returned to close the circle and called ON-ON-ON.  As the RA didn’t attend the ON-ON-ON, the scribe will end at this point.


Culture Vulture