Hash Wedding weekend

Hash Wedding weekend

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Hash Trash - Run 139


Location: Turgutreis
Date: Sunday, 15 December 2013
Hares: Flasher & Pisser
Scribe: Doggy Style


Just getting to the last hash was a cross-country expedition in itself, thanks to the continuous roadworks on Karabag road (good odds on there being a waterfall of stone road blocks sometime during the January rains).  Fishy Fingers and I set off on the bus to get to the On On On – I feared for my life as first we meandered in the wrong direction, then Fishy Fingers went a sickly shade of green as the bus did an impression of a rollercoaster ride on the way up to the mosque, and looked like she was going to throw up on me at any moment (something to do with her being hungover from the night before  - to which I would like to point out that I had not been out with her, for once!). 

Early arrival Chez Flasher and Pisser, and we were greeted by Flasher hanging over the balcony.  Bless her – she sacrificed finishing her eye make-up to rush down and ensure that we were soon supping the first glasses of very tasty mulled wine.  There were soon a number of other early arrivals – I think news had spread that we were coming on the early bus, and people feared that Fishy would be supping all the mulled wine due to her need for hair of the dog.

Soon we were all gathered wearing our festive hats – most had gone for the red Santa hat variety.  Vacuum Cleaner and Sugar Puff seemed to be wearing rather large knitted willy-warmers – who knows, maybe Sugar Puff is a very lucky lady indeed!  Something has to make up for those bad jokes!  The opening circle was called, and the female hashers in particular were prised away from the mulled wine.   Butt Butt was awarded the Hon-er from the last hash for being a dedicated hasher and coming on her own without her husband (impersonation of Fishy!).  The hares, Pisser and Flasher came into the circle and spouted the normal lies about the trail.  Threats of hooks and check-backs were made, and the false promise of a beer stop.  The RA took us through a festive warm-up and then we were off, heading out onto the streets to go up, down, up, down, around, up, down, and around.  Bless the Turkish street planners for the number of roads that they can manage to cram into one small area. 

LuvJoy was out in front – there were claims from Vacuum Cleaner that he was going to give him a run that he would never forget, but I think it was VC’s memory that went, as he seemed to give up on this idea after the first big hill.  The male front runners showed that chivalry was not dead with Shitter and Vacuum Cleaner both following LuvJoy down the same route at one of the checks leaving the FOURTH runner at the check (me) to be the person who checked the second possible route.  Hmmm, revenge shall be wreaked in a future hash!  Pisser adopted some willow-o-the wisp ability and “materialised” around bends and hills despite having been behind only minutes earlier.   Vacuum Cleaner, Fishy Fingers and I battled-on up what we thought was the last route (despite hearing LuvJoy shouting On On in a different direction).  We were rewarded by abuse from some of the local Turkish youngsters (not sure they were being taught their English-language by a TEFL teacher!), and then discovering a check-back.  So, trecked all the way back down again to find that LuvJoy had been right all along and made it first back, and everyone else was back at the RV enjoying more mulled wine. 

The closing circle commenced with down-downs for the hares, and followed by the HON-er.  Shitter and LuvJoy were hauled in for misdemeanours that I can’t recall, and of course, Shitter stayed in a bit longer as he tried to recall which hand he was supposed to be drinking from.  Butt Butt demonstrated her spout-supping abilities, and Whilst You’re Down There got done for something naughty.

Vacuum Cleaner and Sugar Puff have been threatening/promising to leave for some time, and finally the day arrived!  They were given a down-down and a one-fingered salute to bid them on their way.  You will be missed!!!

More down downs followed – the mulled wine and my sieve-like memory means I can’t really recall why, but if the RA gave them, then they must have been right (especially when he has such a good prompter in Helmet Polisher).  As we weren’t allowed to head to the On On On venue early (couldn’t traumatise a children’s party with us lot), the circle was closed, jokes were told, shots of creamy liquor appeared, and the ladies all chuckled at Hobo’s missing balls (for some reason, the guys didn’t seem to find this so funny – maybe because the cold weather was having the same effect on them…).  Then off we set to La Villa for a delicious meal and to enjoy the winter sun set.  

A great afternoon and evening! 

A festive On On! Doggy Style

Saturday, 14 December 2013

Hash Trash - Run 138


Location: Bitez
Date: Sunday, 1 December 2013
Hares: Hose Handler & Helmet Polisher
Scribe: Going Down & Go Go Gadget


This will be a very short trash, as was the run J. With the storm clouds threatening the pack gathered at the RV, most wearing their wet weather clothing (not much faith in the new RA yet then). The start circle was called and amongst the usual announcements, the GM presented Lightfoot with the hashit, for being late at the last hash he attended and keeping the pack waiting, the GM then gave Knockers some walking sticks and a helmet to protect herself if she was to fall over yet again. Also the outgoing RA (vacuum cleaner) presented the incoming RA (Hose handler) with a part of himself (a vacuum cleaner head (head who said head)) as a memento, so he would not be forgotten (as if anyone could). The RA decided that a warm up was in order, Bodrum has had an ex Army RA and an ex Navy RA, who each, when RA, had their own versions of warm ups, now the incumbent RA is an ex fireman, a totally different warm up as the attending hashers must agree.

The on on was called and off we went for a very pleasant run around Bitez, partly along the beach and partly around the back streets and arriving back at the start point, first back being Whilst you’re Down There and the first runner back being Lightfoot.

The circle was called and the down downs started to be awarded, the hare’s being called in and the pack stating what they thought of the trail, and then returning hashers Knockers, Old Peculier Lightfoot, Going Down and Go Go Gadget were called in. Doggy Style was called in for the heinous crime of wearing new shoes. Mis-namers were called in, Whilst You’re Down There, Fishy Fingers, Knockers, Helmet Polisher, Butt Butt, Flasher and Going Down, that didn’t leave many hashers out of the circle!!!, unusually, there were no goodie goodies. The RA told a joke, and this apparently is a first, he remembered the punch line. The RA also did well as the rain held off so the wet weather gear was not required, oh! Ye of little faithJ. There were other awards given, but with my memory being what it is, I have forgotten what they were for.

The On On On was at Sandy’s in Gumbet where they have one of the best steak pie’s we have tasted.
Well done hare’s and thank you BH3, see you all again soon.